By Drew Dietsch
| Published
Tim Burton is inarguably one of the most prominent American film directors of the modern era. He’s also a legit film dork with a love of classic sci-fi and horror films from the 1950s and 1960s. I’ll always think fondly about his passion for a movie like The War of the Gargantuas as someone who also sees the artistic value of giant monster movies.
Tim Burton is in the news for his next intended project and it’s one that folks have been trying to remake again since the ’90s: Attack of the 50 Foot Woman. And as much as I can enjoy Burton’s adoration of classic kooky sci-fi, this is a flick that feels past its expiration date in his hands.
It is important to note that the original Attack of the 50 Foot Woman was part of a larger trend in science fiction cinema back in 1958. The subgenre of “size science” was being exploited left and right with The Amazing Colossal Man and The Incredible Shrinking Man showcasing both ends of the spectrum. So, back then, ripping off the giant concept was a fairly expected riff with Attack of the 50 Foot Woman.
Today, that context means nothing for a new movie. Tim Burton might have some core thematic concept he wants to explore with a remake, but it’s less likely to resonate with the larger public because a movie about a gigantic woman is not going to be understood in the same context as the 1950s. Though there was undoubtedly a sexual selling point to the idea back then, it’s going to be all anyone talks about if you make that movie today.
Tim Burton Is The Wrong Guy
Because, let’s face it, regardless of the artistic intention behind a Tim Burton remake of Attack of the 50 Woman, that potential movie is going to be looked at as a fetishistic joke. A nearly-70-year-old man directing a movie about a giantess played by a Hollywood star –– Margot Robbie is the current name attached to the project –– is going to invite all sorts of jeering criticism from both good faith observers and bad faith grifter losers.
It doesn’t even matter if Tim Burton takes a fully parodic approach. His very attachment as director means he will be the focal point for any and all “This is a fetish movie!” takes. Which is why he shouldn’t be in the director’s chair. Heck, the driving creative forces behind a remake of Attack of the 50 Foot Woman should be women! If anyone wants to use this particular narrative to do something creatively and thematically engaging, it should come from the perspective of women and their take on, “What would it mean to be a 50-foot giant?”
Maybe Tim Burton won’t get around to remaking Attack of the 50 Foot Women. I kind of hope he doesn’t because the onslaught of bad jokes and worthwhile takedowns will give me another reason to [REDACTED TO NOT MAKE THE HIGH SHERIFFS UPSET]. I’m not saying you can’t remake Attack of the 50 Foot Woman today and create a version that wouldn’t be hounded by this social outlook, but if Tim Burton is behind the wheel, that’s definitely what we’re going to get.
